Adapting to Feelings of Failure: Individuality and Community with NGLI

The Rev. Ashley Nolte, Pastor at Pilgrim United Church of Christ, discusses the self-awareness and community that the Next Generation Leadership Initiative (NGLI) program brought her. She discusses failure, and how she now views failure differently, within herself and her community.

I remember being a freshly minted M.Div. in my first call, and it was so isolating. The Next Generation Leadership Initiative (NGLI) program provided me with something different and new—a sense of community within my cohort. But in addition to connecting with other people, it also connected me with myself.

One of the most significant moments of self-awareness came as a culmination of years two and three of the NGLI program. The curriculum was focused on Adaptive Leadership with Dr. Sharon Daloz Parks in year two, and the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator and unconscious bias training with Dr. Linda Burrs in year three. I saw how my own self-doubt became a self-fulfilling prophecy; I was terrified that I might garner proficiency or do something well. It was easier to keep myself coasting at mediocrity than to lean into my potential, and to lean into my potential meant that I needed to be okay with the possibility of imperfection and failure. NGLI allowed me to look within myself, and it helped me realize that I just might be good at what I do.

At the time, I was a 20-something female clergy. Those few years helped me grow into a sense of maturity within myself, but also within what I could offer to pastoral ministry. That was in the early 2010s; there was a huge media presence of mostly male clergy doing amazing things. At the time, I was in a small rural community, and I felt imposter syndrome very strongly. NGLI helped me realize that I could just be myself—a good pastor—in the ways I knew how. Dr. Burrs and Dr. Parks invited me to consider that, and it was important that they were both women. NGLI taught me that it’s okay to be disappointed and fail, because that’s not the end of the story.

A couple of years ago my current congregation, Pilgrim UCC, had a desire to increase volunteerism in our congregation and community; it began as a volunteer fair on a Sunday in September. In 2022, our first year, we had 28 volunteer organizations from our county. We sent flyers to all the area school districts and churches. Only 10 people from outside the congregation attended the event. So, we tried again in 2023, and with 30 not-for-profit organizations on site, no one outside the congregation attended. We’re a very mission-oriented congregation, so we had to deal with some feelings of failure and what could have gone differently.

What we saw was that although the fair wasn’t successful in numbers for participants, it became an opportunity for not-for-profit organizations to connect. When no one came, the representatives and vendors went to other booths and networked. Even though the community didn’t respond as we had hoped, there was still a sense of community and common purpose that Sunday afternoon. If we looked specifically at attendance, we would write that off as a complete failure. But NGLI teaches us that when a community is brought together, even in a small way, that is a success. Christ says, “Where two or three are gathered, there I am also.”

NGLI was so beneficial to me because it was a continuation of community, especially in the first four years meeting with my cohort. Post-seminary, you get called to your first church and it feels like someone is saying, “Okay, good luck, have fun, you’re on your own.” And you say to yourself, “Is anyone coming with me?” NGLI gives you a soft place to land and process your future with other people.

My main piece of advice is to have some ministry time under your belt before you apply to NGLI—don’t do it right away. I think I’d been in ministry for four years when I started NGLI. Give yourself some time to live in the congregation. Develop a good, solid footing of who you are as an individual, and then appreciate the community that NGLI provides.